Space People of Walmart

When Retailers Open Their Doors to Extraterrestrials

This alien guy/gal was recently spotted in Aisle 51, taking bargains away from hard-working Americans.

Would you buy a hunting rifle from this man?

Simon gets our vote for employee of the month! Take the "How Big a Gun Do You Need" quiz.

Who Doesn't Like Free Stuff?

Be sure to stop by for your free flu shots! Anti-anti-vaxers say that vaccines are perfectly safe. But conspiracy-watchers say these "doctors" and "experts" are all NWO agents encouraging people to get their government-mandated tracking microchips. Which side of the debate do you fall on: Do vaccines pose a health risk? Or are they simply a Big Brother surveilance system as required by the UN Charter?

IT Phone Home

Gaggles of extraterrestrials have been spotted loitering in the electronics section, offering in broken Terran to work inexpensively as day-consultants. But the minute you ask any of them for their papers certifying them in CCNA, CISSP, CISM, CCiE, MCSE, or CCDA, they all scatter like water bugs.

How Lame: An R.V. E.T.!

It's bedlam out there, people! This artist's sketch is based on an eyewitness description of the occupant of the mysterious lampblack Winnebago that has been spotted in the parking lot for the past seventy-one days. This lamentable character was encountered late last night under the lambent glow of the back forty's lamplights.

This "van in black"—license plate number 4638 ABK—has been spotted in parking lots across the country, so aproach with caution: the occupants may be breaking bad, or on the lam.

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Pharmacy BOGO Special!

Stop by for our custom hand sanitizer, guaranteed to kill 99.93% of all known bacteria, viruses, spores, and other invasive microbes.

Customers recently looked at:
Compact Tactical Nuke
(special order item; not sold in stores)

  Can be shipped to your home,
  or free to the store for pick-up.

When visiting Roswell, be sure to visit the Men in Black Nightclub. Mention Space People of Walmart at the door and pay no cover charge!

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